The phone always rings when you’re
- having lunch/dinner /tea
- taking a bath/shower
- on the toilet
- are in bed…asleep/ill/making whoopee
- are frantically fighting with your keys to get into the house, whilst falling over the cat/dog/kids.
The silent treatment
You pick up the phone/press the answer button…and are met with silence.
You say “Hello!” three times and are just about to end the call, or rather more satisfying slam the phone back into the holder, when you hear the line go dead. Just what the hell is that all about?
The way too happy person
You take a leap of faith and answer the call. Before you’ve even got the words Hi/Hello/What do you want? out they are there.
“How are you today?” they ask brightly and start to gabble away, reading from their script. It’s a deliberate ploy to knock you off your guard. How could you possibly be anything other than polite to this person you’ve never met before in you life, who has wormed their way into your day?
Easy and here’s how.
My daughter has just dispatched such a person rather well and it’s given me an idea. Instead of shying away from your phone, why not embrace those blasted nuisances.
Said daughter was asked if she’d ever been on a package holiday? She replied…yes, she had been put in a package.
Had she enjoyed it?Well, she had found it rather cramped in there.
How had she found the airport? Well, being in a package had been tricky and she hadn’t seen the airport really.
Was she in debt and by how much? Yes and a million pounds.
How did she plan to deal with it? She was going to set up a brothel. (Yes, my eyebrows were suitably raised.)
My daughter told the nuisance that she would have to leave soon as she worked as a clown.
The nuisance asked how much she earned. Fifty two pence per week came the unbelievably daft response.
Only when my daughter asked the nuisance if she liked music and could she sing to her, did the pest finally hang up the phone.
Now, this might seem cruel and heartless. But, we don’t ask for our phone numbers to be sold on to pests to enable them to invade our lives. Have we had an accident, do we need new windows, do we want to try to rip off our employers in a similar vein to how they are attempting to rip us off?
As for me, I’m already working on my script for the next pest that rings. I plan to be in the process of training to be a snake whisperer…on stilts. Why stilts? I don’t really know. It just took my fancy.
I need a really good name. I’ve already been Tinky Winky and Upsy Daisy…and yes the nuisance let me spell them out for him.
If fortune really smiles on me, I too will be rung by the package woman. I will also have been in a package on holiday. And I too will ask I can sing to her/him.
Imagine if we receivers of these damn and blasted nuisance callers all gave similar, ridiculous answers to their questions…how cool and weird would that be? I like to fantasize about them all hunched over the recorded phone calls trying to make sense of that one.
So, how about it? Fancy being the nuisance to the nuisance?
Get your phone and life back again. Don’t be scared to answer your phone.
If any of you out there work in call centres and make these calls…I do apologise…but, I really can’t help myself.
I should imagine it comes with the job. When I worked in the line of fire from clients/customers I expected it. That’s what I got paid for.
I can’t wait for the next withheld number to appear on my screen…bring it on!
Thanks for dropping by and until the next bitchy time.