Nuisance phone calls: the latest batch.

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Those damn and blasted nuisance phone callers keep calling…but, now I have a plan. Trouble is, since I drew up my plan the nuisances have become ever so polite and all too human.

They’re so sorry to bother me and is now a good time?

Would I be kind enough to complete a quick survey for the government?  (Excuse me whilst I choke back the tears and hysterical laughter.) No can do? Not a problem thank you for being so kind as to answer your phone.

Honestly, if I didn’t know better I’d say that they’d been tapping my phone line and have got wind of my evil plans to fight back. ( If they’ve been tapping my phone line they will have heard far, far worse than that. I hope they have been tapping my phone line…it serves them damn well right.)

Anyhow, my script…yes you read that right, has gone unread. The phone rings, my heart races and I practically break my neck to get to the phone first, to answer. TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT! An all too human, human being is on the other end of the line, being nice. They’re still on my phone, but, they’re being nice and I can’t be a nuisance to that kind of niceness. That would make me the villain of the piece…right?

I did have one SB ( scum bag/ swine bag/ son of a bitch!) though, who claimed to be from Microsoft.

” Maam, I’m calling you to tell you that your computer has being hacked.”

Nice, I thought and you lying little SB.

” I can rectify this for you,” he continued.

” Just who are you? ” I demanded.

“Maam, you have been hacked, but I can make it alright.”

Just like putting band-aid on a poorly knee! Of course the knee wasn’t poorly before they tried to hurt it …WAS IT!

“Just how do you know I’ve been hacked?!”

“You have,” he said.

“How do I know you’re from Microsoft? You could be anyone.”

“Maam, if you open up your computer and follow the details I give you, you will see.”

Yeah, I bet I would have!

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This went of for about five minutes and then another SB, purporting to be the first SB’s supervisor came on the line.

“Maam, you need to give my colleague your details and let him sort out your computer, by remote control. You’ve been HACKED! ”

This deceitful attempt to ruin my computer only came to an abrupt end when the two SB’s  were asked for a telephone number, so I could ring them back. Guess what? The line suddenly went dead.

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Saved by Hugon

But, what if someone out there had believed this despicable charade? These major SB’s could have gained access to someone’s computer to actually hack it.

Just what the hell is wrong with these people? Surely they can find some form of work that doesn’t involve fraud, dishonesty and basically being a despicable person? How do they live with themselves? How can they sleep at night? Cleaning toilets would be better than that crap! There…they’ve made me swear.

Needless to say I reported them. I won’t include the link, in case it is a fake site. I’m probably being watched by Men In Black now.

But, I’m a hopeful little soul and know it is only a matter of time before another SB rings me and I’m still hoping to be a snake whisperer, on stilts. I will be asking them a few questions of my own and sharing a few thoughts/secrets…including:

  • Can you describe yourself to me?
  • Do you love me?
  • Will you read me a story ?
  • Do you believe the Earth is round?
  • Last night I was abducted by aliens.
  • Can I sing to you?
  • I’m wearing my granny pants today.
  • Where am I?

Oh, the world is my oyster with the many things I can say to these blasted pests.

So, why not join me in my quest to give back as good as you get with these damn nuisances? Feel free to join in and let’s make their day that bit more interesting and memorable. (Like the ones you’d rather forget.)

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They deserve everything they get.

Thanks for dropping by.

Dorne x




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