No, I’m not pregnant – but my daughter and her fiance are… again.
Those of you that pop on here and read my intermittent ramblings will be aware of our sad loss two years ago.
Just shy of his fifth birthday our grandson Daniel sadly passed away.
To say it has been tough is an understatement. Approaching this devastating loss from my angle it has been a double whammy. I lost my precious grandson and I’ve had to watch his parents work through their unimaginable loss and grief. Words fail me.
And they have silenced my writing since. I have still scribbled in my notes books – confused, emotional and often angry words: and probably in that order.
I’ve drafted pitches to editors, for magazine articles and features and concluded that my head was elsewhere.
On here, are many drafts of unfinished posts and pages that began with gusto, but fizzled out long before I came to the conclusion.
I’ve given myself time. So has my family and today we will hopefully find out whether the baby that my daughter and her fiance are now expecting is a girl or a boy. It’s the twenty week scan.
It feels weird. Exciting and terribly scary, all at once. Not because we’re scared of what could happen – although those circumstances and ideas accompany each and every one of us through life – no, this is because we wonder what it will feel like?
Will we feel guilty if we get caught up in the moment as we bond with a new baby that is full of hope? A baby that gives us a future. A future that was cruelly snatched from Daniel, his parents and all of us, when he passed over.
I often feel Daniel’s presence and I am convinced that he still walks alongside us all. I think he will be a big part of his little sister/ brother’s life. The new baby must not have to live under his shadow though.
It will be a challenge to be happy again with a new child. But, it’s a challenge that we are all up for. Because, life moves on and we find ways of coping. The dead walk with us and we have nothing to feel guilty about.
Not long now before we get to know whether we need pink or blue togs.
I personally can’t wait and I get a feeling that wherever Daniel is he is jumping up and down with excitement also.
I’ll keep you informed and thanks for dropping by.